Books

Signals of Distress.


Taken verbatim in the book “Bittergirl: Getting Over Getting Dumped” by A. Griffiths, A. Lawrence, and M.F. Moore

The signals of distress are many, too many to list in full, so we’ve culled the tomes at The Bittergirl Institute for Advanced Research on Dumping and come up with the top ten.

Top Ten Internationally Recognized Signals of Distress

  1. A desperate need for chocolate
  2. The ability to drink copious amounts of Scotch without ever getting drunk
  3. Sudden urges to destroy his personal property, followed by desperate attempts to piece it back together
  4. Checking voice mail every two minutes to see if he’s called
  5. The overwhelming urge to sit in his bushes at midnight to see if he comes home alone
  6. Calling his office after hours just to hear his voice on his voice mail
  7. Hiring a plane to write “PLEASE come back to me” in the sky
  8. Taking out ad time on your local radio station to send him messages
  9. Pulling the fire alarm at his apartment building just so you can see him
  10. The inability to finish a sentence without saying his name

Now that you’re aware of the top ten Internationally Recognized Signals of Distress, don’t think you can easily avoid them. If you must enact one or more IRSOD, try to do it in private or only in front of your bestbittergirlfriends.

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